Stop “Should-ing” on Ourselves
Frequently, I encounter people using phrases like "I should," "I need to," or "I used to" when discussing the things they want to incorporate into their lives. This language often indicates thoughts without corresponding actions. I'm guilty of this in my own life, but when I sense this energy, I strive to reframe it.
The problem with "shoulds" and " I need to" is that they drain joy from our endeavors. We wouldn't appreciate others communicating with us in this manner, so why do we treat ourselves this way? With my rebellious nature, it's not a language I respond well to. When I feel like I should or need to do something, I resist. By replacing these phrases with "I'd love to," "I'm excited to," or "I'm choosing to," the energy shifts.
I've found it beneficial to write down my goals and then outline the HOW and WHY behind them. When I articulate this, my goals become more than just aspirations; they are backed by purpose, driving and focusing me.
The HOW delineates the steps needed to achieve and draw nearer to the goal—such as crafting a schedule, determining the time you're willing to invest, identifying priorities, and anything essential to actualizing the goal.
The WHY serves as the driving force behind it all—why do I desire this? How will it enrich my life? What purpose does it serve, and what am I striving toward?
As humans, we're drawn to instant gratification, often finding ourselves impatient with the journey ahead. By envisioning our future self and making daily decisions that align with that vision. We may pause to reflect on whether each choice contributes to the growth and development of the person we aspire to become.
Moreover, "shoulds" and "needs" aren't enjoyable. We have enough obligations in our lives (hello, bills!), so why add them to something we truly desire to integrate or change in our lives? Whether it's adopting better dietary habits, incorporating movement, nurturing spirituality, or enhancing emotional well-being, we can approach these changes with excitement, curiosity, and openness.
Regarding "I used to" this can keep us stuck, and out of the present moment. Personally, I used to engage in many healthy activities that made me feel fantastic. However, if I continued them all daily, I'd have no time for anything else, as that’s all that I would do. While I do reintegrate past practices when the time feels right, I realistically recognize that I am not going to do it all or have the time available for it all. There are so many healing modalities and amazing things to strive towards, so pick and choose what’s calling to you.
Many goals remain fleeting and vague without investing time, thought, and energy into them. Welcoming new habits and shedding old ones can be challenging, but a strong sense of purpose sustains us through tough times.
Consider honoring what needs love and attention in your life. Whether it's nurturing relationships, carving out self-care time, fostering self-love, improving nutrition, embracing movement, pursuing something new, or simplifying your to-do list and slowing down. Listen to yourself, embrace your inner knowing and guidance to what needs some attention.
When you feel that inner tug toward action or recognize the potential benefits of integrating something new into your life, embrace it wholeheartedly. Approach it with language and energy that is gentle and encouraging, fostering a sense of enthusiasm and excitement that will keep you motivated and eager to continue. By cultivating this positive attitude, you'll find yourself returning to the endeavor with renewed vigor, maintaining your enthusiasm for the journey ahead.